To say that I have a type A personality may be an understatement. I am the oldest of three, and I was an only child for six years. So it’s in my nature to be bossy, straight-forward and driven (at least I tell myself it’s natural). I was always the one who had a plan and followed it through to execution. If I said I was going to do something by a certain time, then that is how it was going to be. Don’t get me wrong. There were times when the stars didn’t always line up in my favor. For instance, there was the time I ran for ninth grade class president and lost to childhood friend Renee Stewart. I was crushed for a day or so. I knew my campaign slogan was witty, and I knew that I would be the perfect person to plan the ninth grade prom, but nevertheless, it was not meant for me. And then there was the time I ran for senior class president in high school only to lose to a girl who stood up on chair in the gym during open campaigning and yelled, “do you really want a CHEERLEADER to be your president?” I wanted to turn around and yell, “do you really want a lazy under achiever to be your president?” That, however, would’ve been undignified, so I refrained and instead cried on the front steps of the school’s main entrance and told my assistant principal that it wasn’t fair while I waited for my dad to pick me up from school. My biggest set back began on August 16, 1994. That’s the day I went into the hospital and began the journey of a lifetime. At 18, it was hard for me to comprehend why I was sick, why I had to have my kidney removed, and why I couldn’t begin college in the fall. I learned a very important lesson then. I was not in control of my life; God was. And if I was going to recover and live, I would have to put my faith in Him rather than in myself. I learned that lesson in 1994 and forgot it and learned it and forgot it again many, many times. I was reminded, however, on December 16, 2005 (this period was the greatest test of my faith). I was 29 weeks pregnant with Katelyn, and I was not feeling my best. I was tired, my feet were swollen, I had a bladder infection…I just didn’t feel good.
I was admitted to the hospital on Friday night as a result of blood pressure readings in the 200/100 area. When told that I was going to be transfered to a hospital for high risk patients and that I would probably deliver my baby that night (she wasn’t due until March), I sobbed uncontrollably. When the doctor went on to explain to me that if I didn’t get myself under control, I would have seizures and put Andy in a situation where he’d have to choose whether or not he wanted to save me or Katelyn, I knew what I had to do. That life-long lesson came back to me instantly. I had to pull it together and put my faith in God because I knew that I couldn’t do it. I also knew that the process was happening for a reason. I’d have to figure out that lesson later.
Katelyn was born on Sunday, December 18, 2005 at 11:19 am. She weighed two pounds and three ounces. For the next eleven weeks, she, Andy and I would go through many physical and emotional rollercoasters. During those eleven weeks, I continued to learn and remember that life was not Burger King. I could not have it my way. My way would’ve been that Katelyn was born on March 6, 2006 and weighed more than six pounds. My way would’ve been that she could breathe on her own immediately. My way would’ve been that she and I would’ve gone home from the hospital on the same day. My way would’ve been that she wouldn’t have had to have surgery before she turned three months old. My way would’ve been that we wouldn’t have to shelter her from the common cold for almost two years. But it didn’t happen my way. lt happened God’s way. And we–Katelyn, Andy, and I–are a lot stronger for it.
It’s been twenty months, and Katelyn weighs a bit over 21 pounds. She is as healthy as can be. I don’t think I love her anymore than other parents love their children, but I know that I appreciate her struggle, her will and her zest for life. And I thank God for giving me a daily reminder that His way is really the best way.
Entries (RSS)